if only i could text you this smell
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
