She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You ruined the universe
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
