He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
