dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
