My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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