Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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