Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I bet he comes in French.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
