Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
