I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
