she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
