honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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