he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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