You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
