Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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