Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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