Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The Olympian is in my bed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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