well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
