i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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