when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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