This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
