Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
