weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
