i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
