my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
not ubering you a puppy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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