I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
