How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
