If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
