the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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