you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
