Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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