highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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