i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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