The maid of honor just puked.
Umm I'm too high to move.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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