proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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