Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
