I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
