just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
