All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
