the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
