Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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