I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
