The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All the doctor said was why
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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