So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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