There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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