So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
