Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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