who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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