no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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