i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
