Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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