please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
