After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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