How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
